Archive for the 'Dating Etiquette' Category

07
Dec
07

The Perfect First Date

Clearly, to each their own, however, I think there’s something to be said about a quality first date. What I mean by quality is not where you go, what you do, or how much money is spent, but it’s about respect, intelligent conversation, manners, and of course laughter and hopefully attraction. Clearly a date without any pressure!

This is a rare experience.  I often find set ups can be hyped by the person setting you up, online set ups are hard to gauge what is fact vs. fiction, bar situations are great, but then you  may question if your remember this person as accurately as you thought. Good old run of the mill spontaneity is often what works best.

Recently I was approached by a man who “thinks I was at the same New Year’s party” as he was last year.  In fact, this was not a pick up line, but a fact. I did remember him being flirtatious with me, but didn’t know if I was interested in pursuing it and left him to find someone else to share a New Year’s Kiss with.  He in fact did and she ended up being a “psycho.”

Almost a year later I’m not sure how he recognized me, but he did, asked me out, and I must admit, I was pleasantly surprised.  Unfortunately a lot of life is timing, and in this situation there was little time to waste due to a long vacation he is about to embark on.  Instead of keeping in touch via email for almost three weeks and pushing our meeting off till he got back, without hesitation he met me out on a weekend night in between two parties that I had.

Let’s just say I wish I never made it to those parties. He was smart, funny, charming, intelligent, and every other trite adjective one can use about someone they go out with once.

There was NO pressure and I feel like that made all the difference. We went for light tapas and wine, had a quick 1 ½ date, laughed and relaxed. That was all there was to it. Simple and easy! So easy in fact that we were able to find the time before his flight for one last drink the night before he left.

I’m not an idealist and do not think “THIS IS IT.” I just now see the difference between a relaxed, stress free date where no one is out to impress anyone, and a date where it’s all about the “one up.” The who, what, when, where, why and how is not what’s important, but being able to be yourself is what makes a perfect first date.

01
Nov
07

ask and you shall find

Cities become small, no matter which one you live in, and the older we get, the less people there are to meet, the more people we have already met, and the more people our friends have gone out with.  It’s unfortunate, but it’s true.

For example, I came home from the gym the other day glowing to my friend that I met my future husband. Now I go to the gym often and NEVER have met, nor am interested in meeting anyone there.  This man on my row machine was a newcomer and really, we were destined to “work in” together.

So after hearing me out and watching me blush talking about “boy wonder,” my friend starts to literally laugh out loud and says, “You do realize that your new “boyfriend” is my vacation boyfriend.”  Yes, my gym “boyfriend” is the same guy my friend “met” on her vacation a few months earlier.

Granted, they lost touch and I never heard from him, but please, this is getting incestuous, no?  Would I have been wrong to have gone out with him if I heard from him? She has a boyfriend now and being my best friend only wants me to be happy, but that’s just too awkward. I should go on a double date with my best friend, her boyfriend, my date who just so happens to be the guy she was with for a week? No, I don’t think that’d be too comfortable for anyone.

And what about the “ask around?” You know when you meet someone and then ask everyone you know about him or her. Not smart. Eventually someone will really know the person you’re asking about and have something to say that doesn’t sit well.

At some point someone will have dated them, knows their exes or even “hooked up” with them one night in a drunken state on a dance floor. None of these reasons are reason enough not to go out on a date, but wouldn’t it just be easier not to know?

So go out, have fun, meet tons of people, but do yourself a favor and don’t ASK anyone their opinions. Go out, get to know the person for yourself and then TELL everyone about the great date you went on.

30
Oct
07

“Googled”

Is there etiquette on researching a person you’re set up with before you actually meet?

Think about this, in today’s age of Google, MySpace, Facebook and Friendster it’s extremely tempting to know every single detail about the person you’re going out with before you actually meet them, including where they may have birthmarks or piercings.

But is this good?

I don’t think so. Let’s form our own opinions of the people we meet and not know their social security numbers and pin number to their bank account before the first drink.  Perhaps the chubby, curly haired, midget, your mother’s, friend’s Aunt wants you to meet grew up to become a thin, thick haired, beauty, but can’t be relieved of the stereotypes from grade school.

Recently a friend was being set up with a woman who replied to his witty introductory email, with an even wittier one. Basically she “Googled” him and found out that he was a well known composer, carpenter, border line professional athlete, who looked like a wart hog. She said she was willing to overlook these things and take a chance though.

Now, that’s a funny reply, but let’s be honest, she still REALLY did “Google” him to check him out because when I went on Google, those were all entries I found under my friend’s name.

At least if you’re going to succumb to the level of snooping around on the web for every minute detail about your blind date, maybe you should consider NOT ADMITTING IT! I must tell you, if someone divulged that to me, I would have a restraining order put on the person before we even went out.

If you know everything, you’re blind date isn’t so “blind,” and I don’t care what anyone says, you can’t separate what you already know from what you are pretending to find out.

The Internet makes things too personal too quickly and my advice would be to take a real chance and go on an actual blind date. Form your own opinion of people, because the person that once was or is seen in a 2 X 2 photo online, may not be the person that is.

17
Oct
07

The Weekend Scene

Scene One – Friday Night:

He makes eye contact, I smile shyly, turn back to my friends, but when I glace back to make sure he really was cute, he’s still checking me out.  Now I’m excited and my friends are just confirming him gape at me like a painter staring at a blank canvas not knowing where to begin. 

I laugh nervously hoping he’ll walk over and when he does coolly sit down next to me, greetings are exchanged. As the evening goes by he’s constantly gazing in my direction, smiling, looking to get my attention, and although I gave him a look of approval, he begins to gather his belongs and say goodbye to his friends.  

The girls want me give him my card before he leaves and although it’s apparent he’s interested, why would I want to give my number to a guy who’s too timid to come get it himself? Girls want to date men with chutzpah, not cowards who fear rejection.

Scene Two – Saturday Night:

He makes eye contact; I smile back politely and blatantly turn away. He then taps me, starts talking and doesn’t stop for the rest of the night. It wasn’t a coincidence that he had to go to the bathroom at the same time I did, nor needed a drink when I did. He won’t stop staring, and not in the way a tourist looks at the Mona Lisa, but the type of creepy, stalker like gaze that makes me feel totally uncomfortable.

He ends up talking his way in to making me give him your card and the second I said goodbye, he texts me. Reluctantly I answer the text which leads him to text back, ask me out and wish me “sweet dreams.” My response, “talk soon.”  What is with this psycho?

Scene Three – Sunday Morning

Lying in bed I wonder to myself, why is it that the cute guy in the crisp button down and True Religion jeans didn’t have the backbone to ask for my number (let alone text me good night), but the guy in the stoned washed jeans from the 80’s did?

Like all women, I want to be pursued and although it’s the 21st century, there are some situations where old fashioned behavior, such as courting, is polite and appropriate. Granted I could have been the aggressor in this situation, but I often notice men get intimated by women who are the instigators.

Men, I know approaching a woman is scary and rejection is not ideal, but whatever happened to that “good old college try?” You’re a man, so take some initiative and start acting like one.  You’re never going to know if you’ll be rejected until you try, and trust me, women like a man who isn’t shy, is willing to make the first move, and will follow through without acting like the psycho stalker from Saturday night.

10
Oct
07

Not the Typical Dinner Date

 

How can a dinner date be more romantic than a beautiful restaurant, upstairs in an old brownstone, looking over the park, with candle light? Basically, it can’t.

Well I had a date to remember that may top that.

It was one of those disheveled days when my head was in the clouds and the day just fully escaped from me. Rush, rush rush! Exactly what New Yorkers do best, right?

So I go to work, think I’m being good and hit the gym (even though I was more tired than a hibernating bear in winter time) and by the time 8 O’Clock PM came along I was ready for dinner, a shower and my bed!

I decide to be the anti-lazy Manhattanite and instead of ordering in Chinese or from the dinner, I actually get up, walk downtown and East to Todaro, that yummy gourmet market across from the Kips Bay movie theater.

Well as I go to take out my wallet, I realized that in all of my pandemonium earlier I inconveniently forgot my wallet in my other bag.  Like on the show Millionaire, I decide to “phone a friend” and get a credit card number. Well unlike Millionaire, my friend wasn’t home and as I go to dial another, my chaotic night took a turn.

The nicest man in the world leaned over, handed me 12 single dollar bills and said, “Here’s dinner on me!” I mean, whoever said New Yorkers aren’t nice, never met my dinner companion this evening. He wouldn’t allow me to repay him and NO, he wasn’t hitting on me either.

Clearly this wasn’t the most romantic date filled with rose petals and wine, but it was one of the most endearing and thoughtful dates I’ve ever been on.

18
Sep
07

Dating Essentials

On a first date, what’s really the most important thing? Besides being attracted to the person physically, one must be able to communicate with the person they are across from, right? You don’t need me to tell you that even in the age of Botox, looks can fade, but conversation should last forever.

This game of communication is obviously a factor of the environment you are in, so let’s start making better decisions on venues, okay? How do two people communicate clearly in these new, huge, Mecca-like places we call restaurants? Don’t get me wrong, all these gigantic venues are beautiful architecturally and tend to attract “beautiful people,” but the couple just starting to get to know each other wastes too much time yelling across a table, “WHAT?,” or “I’M SORRY, CAN YOU SAY THAT AGAIN?” Getting bumped and dropping your red wine on your white dress or khaki pants does not make for the best first impression.

This being said, I think the perfect date spot is one that is more intimate, more conducive for talking quietly and not getting side tracked by traffic.

Therefore my first date spot recommendation would be Freemans. This secret hideaway is literally down an alley off of Rivington Street and it’s small bar and limited seating make for intimacy with a very cool, warm vibe. It’s not overly romantic and, simply put, unpretentious. It’s hidden, secluded feel allows you to feel like you’re alone with your date and no one at the next table is glaring your way. It has that personal feeling from the second you walk in until the moment you leave. It’s worth the wait (no reservations) for the fantastic home cooking and a plentiful wine list!

It’s also refreshing to be able to talk in your “inside voice” and actually be heard!




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