Archive for the 'Just a Thought' Category

07
Dec
07

The Perfect First Date

Clearly, to each their own, however, I think there’s something to be said about a quality first date. What I mean by quality is not where you go, what you do, or how much money is spent, but it’s about respect, intelligent conversation, manners, and of course laughter and hopefully attraction. Clearly a date without any pressure!

This is a rare experience.  I often find set ups can be hyped by the person setting you up, online set ups are hard to gauge what is fact vs. fiction, bar situations are great, but then you  may question if your remember this person as accurately as you thought. Good old run of the mill spontaneity is often what works best.

Recently I was approached by a man who “thinks I was at the same New Year’s party” as he was last year.  In fact, this was not a pick up line, but a fact. I did remember him being flirtatious with me, but didn’t know if I was interested in pursuing it and left him to find someone else to share a New Year’s Kiss with.  He in fact did and she ended up being a “psycho.”

Almost a year later I’m not sure how he recognized me, but he did, asked me out, and I must admit, I was pleasantly surprised.  Unfortunately a lot of life is timing, and in this situation there was little time to waste due to a long vacation he is about to embark on.  Instead of keeping in touch via email for almost three weeks and pushing our meeting off till he got back, without hesitation he met me out on a weekend night in between two parties that I had.

Let’s just say I wish I never made it to those parties. He was smart, funny, charming, intelligent, and every other trite adjective one can use about someone they go out with once.

There was NO pressure and I feel like that made all the difference. We went for light tapas and wine, had a quick 1 ½ date, laughed and relaxed. That was all there was to it. Simple and easy! So easy in fact that we were able to find the time before his flight for one last drink the night before he left.

I’m not an idealist and do not think “THIS IS IT.” I just now see the difference between a relaxed, stress free date where no one is out to impress anyone, and a date where it’s all about the “one up.” The who, what, when, where, why and how is not what’s important, but being able to be yourself is what makes a perfect first date.

21
Nov
07

The Great Escape

Sorry for being out of touch for a while my loyal fans, but I’ve been away for two weeks! I’m back though and ready to get back to work here at Bachelorsguide.com.

Let me just tell you though, vacations, like oxygen and H2O, are one of life’s essentials. They are an escape from the workplace, computers, phones and the everyday repetition of reality!

 

I just spent the last week in Costa Rica and if I could recommend a one week vacation that combines a little something for everyone, CR is it!  It’s like camp, but out of the country, where the activities are longer, a bit more provocative, and instead of counselors who may not speak fluent English, there are guides that force you to conjugate those verbs you learned in high school Spanish class.

All you need is a passport and you can fly in less than 5 hours (no Ambien necessary) directly to San Jose. From there it’s just a short flight to the beaches or a nice ride through the mountains to the active volcanoes and animal packed rainforests.

Zip-lining, white water rafting, hiking active volcanoes, swimming in hot springs and being lazy on the beaches are just a few things you can do on your visit, but I must say learning the language of the Howler Monkey in the rainforests is a highlight for the animal lover.  Not in any zoo would you be able to get this close to monkeys, ant eaters, sloths, toucans and crocodiles.

There’s nothing luxurious about the hotels there (unless you can arrange to go the time of year that the Four Seasons has good weather), it’s not a high maintenance trip, but it’s nature at it’s finest, makes you feel happy and healthy, all the while leaving your hairdryer, make up and designer clothes in the city.

Put it this way, if Marbella Spain is like the Hamptons, then Costa Rica is Fire Island.  Fire Island with better food, more culture, less deer, more monkeys, cheaper drinks and an earlier wakeup call and bedtime! Bring a few books, soak in some Latin American sun and enjoy all the journeys and natural beauty an unaffected country like Costa Rica has to offer.

04
Nov
07

to our loved ones

Dear Johns –

We’re not writing to tell you we’re leaving you, but to ask you one thing. WHAT IS TAKING YOU ALL SO LONG?

Can you possibly be lost in the days of Mapquest?

We’ve been patient for over 30 years and have dated “Boring Johns,” “Cocky Johns,” “Fun Johns,” “Hot Johns,” “Too Serious Johns” and everyone of their brother’s. Where are the “Perfect for Us Johns?”

Are you going to knock on our doors to deliver the groceries, knock us over on the subway or perhaps coincidentally be sitting at the table when we arrive at a dinner party? Maybe, because we can tell you where you haven’t been! You haven’t been in our offices, you haven’t been at the last 500 parties we’ve attended and you haven’t been sitting next to us on airplanes.

How patient do singles have to be in large cities?  Very!

With so many people to meet and so much to do in a Metropolitan area, relationships can sometimes be put on the back burner. I understand that Johns, but really, your careers are established, you finally own apartments and the exes are actually out of the picture.  Believe YOU ME, the grass isn’t going to get any greener; it already looks like Kermit the Frog.

So Johns, find your way back on track and then call us, don’t text, don’t email, but good ol’ fashion call!

Love,

Janes

 

01
Nov
07

ask and you shall find

Cities become small, no matter which one you live in, and the older we get, the less people there are to meet, the more people we have already met, and the more people our friends have gone out with.  It’s unfortunate, but it’s true.

For example, I came home from the gym the other day glowing to my friend that I met my future husband. Now I go to the gym often and NEVER have met, nor am interested in meeting anyone there.  This man on my row machine was a newcomer and really, we were destined to “work in” together.

So after hearing me out and watching me blush talking about “boy wonder,” my friend starts to literally laugh out loud and says, “You do realize that your new “boyfriend” is my vacation boyfriend.”  Yes, my gym “boyfriend” is the same guy my friend “met” on her vacation a few months earlier.

Granted, they lost touch and I never heard from him, but please, this is getting incestuous, no?  Would I have been wrong to have gone out with him if I heard from him? She has a boyfriend now and being my best friend only wants me to be happy, but that’s just too awkward. I should go on a double date with my best friend, her boyfriend, my date who just so happens to be the guy she was with for a week? No, I don’t think that’d be too comfortable for anyone.

And what about the “ask around?” You know when you meet someone and then ask everyone you know about him or her. Not smart. Eventually someone will really know the person you’re asking about and have something to say that doesn’t sit well.

At some point someone will have dated them, knows their exes or even “hooked up” with them one night in a drunken state on a dance floor. None of these reasons are reason enough not to go out on a date, but wouldn’t it just be easier not to know?

So go out, have fun, meet tons of people, but do yourself a favor and don’t ASK anyone their opinions. Go out, get to know the person for yourself and then TELL everyone about the great date you went on.

30
Oct
07

“Googled”

Is there etiquette on researching a person you’re set up with before you actually meet?

Think about this, in today’s age of Google, MySpace, Facebook and Friendster it’s extremely tempting to know every single detail about the person you’re going out with before you actually meet them, including where they may have birthmarks or piercings.

But is this good?

I don’t think so. Let’s form our own opinions of the people we meet and not know their social security numbers and pin number to their bank account before the first drink.  Perhaps the chubby, curly haired, midget, your mother’s, friend’s Aunt wants you to meet grew up to become a thin, thick haired, beauty, but can’t be relieved of the stereotypes from grade school.

Recently a friend was being set up with a woman who replied to his witty introductory email, with an even wittier one. Basically she “Googled” him and found out that he was a well known composer, carpenter, border line professional athlete, who looked like a wart hog. She said she was willing to overlook these things and take a chance though.

Now, that’s a funny reply, but let’s be honest, she still REALLY did “Google” him to check him out because when I went on Google, those were all entries I found under my friend’s name.

At least if you’re going to succumb to the level of snooping around on the web for every minute detail about your blind date, maybe you should consider NOT ADMITTING IT! I must tell you, if someone divulged that to me, I would have a restraining order put on the person before we even went out.

If you know everything, you’re blind date isn’t so “blind,” and I don’t care what anyone says, you can’t separate what you already know from what you are pretending to find out.

The Internet makes things too personal too quickly and my advice would be to take a real chance and go on an actual blind date. Form your own opinion of people, because the person that once was or is seen in a 2 X 2 photo online, may not be the person that is.

22
Oct
07

Back To My Roots

I know I’m an adult and am supposed to act my age, but sometimes it’s refreshing to know I can still behave like the wild sorority girl I once was.

Rarely can I convince my friends to join me at more adolescent, “divey,” bars, for more spontaneous, random evenings, but this past Friday night I succeeded, and she came willingly!  Off to Brother Jimmy’s BBQ on the Upper East Side for cheap drinks, cheesy 80’s music and hopefully a little bit of trouble reminiscent of my university days. 

We may have been the oldest patrons by at least 5 years, but we were easily the lives of the party.  We got ourselves invited to our table neighbor’s birthday party and persuaded the young folks on our other side to buy a “garbage can” for all three tables to help celebrate.  Twenty of us were not able to finish this giant pretzel keg sized drink consisting of mostly 151.

We danced, we sang, we took shots and eventually we left when we decided it was time to check out another old stomping ground, Sutton Place.  The crowd was weak at Sutton Place, but maybe that was because it was late and it’s more of a “happy hour” bar.  We never should have left Brother Jimmy’s where the crowd was young, but for sure wild, entertaining, and adorable to boot.              

It wasn’t my intention of keeping a youthful theme going with my weekend, but Saturday night kept my formative years alive and kicking.  Thanks to a LONG but worthy wait in the lounge at Bond Street and being part of a party consisting of only two girls and a guy, again, I found myself invited to yet another 26 year old’s birthday party.

The catch here was that this one was open bar. Clearly a no brainer, we would head over to Marquis Lounge on Bowery and Great Jones after dinner. The place felt like a huge living room with Moroccan décor, had a small bar and played mediocre music. The young boys from Bond Street were thrilled we showed and were more than willing to open up their already open bar to strangers. 

Sure one of the boys “bought” me a few drinks, but none of these younger men I met this weekend were for me. They were cute and sweet, but not serious and not secure enough to talk to women until they were completely inebriated. 

That’s okay though because by the time Sunday morning came around I realized I’m way too old to drink this much and stay out this late too many nights in a row. One night of reliving my college years at a time is more than this mind, liver and body handle.

05
Oct
07

Dating In The Workplace

Do you act the same at home and in the office? Do you dress the same, behave the same, and speak the same? I mean, if you were the same person in your personal environment and in the work milieu, wouldn’t life get a little mundane?

Well, combine this idea with dating someone from your office and you may come across a complete stranger in your bed. I mean the person you met at work has a completely different social security number than the person you brought home and woke up with.

So let me give you a brief explanation. I met a guy at a meeting, thought he was adorable and we had “so much in common!” Clearly we share the same everyday interests being we were in the same industry and although we didn’t know each other that long, we seemed to have many of the same outside interests as well. Bonus points being he was a total cutie!

Undoubtedly I was smitten, until I realized my charming coworker is NUTS. Not nuts in the fun, “party like” way, but neurotic, irrational, obsessed and crazy like a lunatic. Like medications are necessary to calm him down and make him sensible.

Outside the office, he was completely stream of consciousness, couldn’t stay on one topic for more than two sentences, constantly talking about himself and saving the world due to his involvement in his local community’s politics.  As a member of the Young Republicans Club, I’ve never met a more “important” person in my life, or so he kept telling me. Yes, he could help his friend get out of a local parking ticket, but could he behave at dinner the way he could around a conference table? Could he be quiet and serene at any other point in time besides at a conference? Unfortunately, he couldn’t.

Needless to say after our last date when he drank himself silly and then took an Ambien to fall asleep, I couldn’t help but think this boy was bipolar. What happened to the person in the suit and tie, who seemed so appropriate and even keeled at 9AM? By the time the clock hit 5 PM his tranquility turned to uproar.  He lost all of his composure and let his inner, neurotic Ego out.

 

Yes, I could have been mature and have had a conversation with him,  but isn’t it easier just to ignore it, stop returning phone calls and make the next meeting all that much more awkward?  Of course it was more stressful, but only on the first hellos. Then it’s forgotten about, at least on my end until I see him staring at me across the room, in mirror reflections and having him sit at my tables.

All I can do is simply laugh at the person in the workplace knowing by day he’s Clark Kent and by night, instead of Superman, he turns in to more of the “Joker.” A little loud, neurotic, devil who thinks everyone’s out to get him.

Again I think we all have independent personas in our personal lives vs. our work lives, but not completely different. I’m not me by day and Paris by night or me by day and working the back rooms at Scores at night. There has to be a happy medium.

A more thorough screening process for the boy or girl you meet at work must be implemented before going straight out with them one on one. Try the group date and see how they behave differently amongst your peers than how they are in the cubicles. Maybe he or she is just as shy outside of work as they are inside or maybe they let out so much of their inner Ego out there just isn’t enough room for him and anyone else in the room.

No matter what, you just stay true to yourself and don’t try to compete with or live up to anyone else’s behavior. They will come around and realize that their bizarre behavior isn’t being welcomed and will take it down a notch or two or simply just disregard everyone else’s aloofness and believe he will go on saving the world.  Like all bipolar folks, let them be whom ever they want to be, whenever they want to be them, but don’t get involved so deeply that you must become a person with two different identities.

It can be confusing to those who knew you first!




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